They call me "The Princess Whisperer"

Sometimes princesses are less than thrilled with the idea of having a makeover. Sometimes I suspect it wasn't their idea in the first place and other times I chalk it up to nerves and that panicky sensation everyone gets when confronted with a crowd that's all looking at you. Either way, occasionally we encounter a princess who says "no way" and it is on these occasions where I step in. They call me "the princess whisperer."

The trick is being entirely honest with the princess and being gentle. Not physically gentle, although that helps, but you have to keep your voice and body language gentle. I am particularly determined to convince princesses because I was the sort of princess who would have wimped out and I know how much one instantly regrets that. I barely ever sat on Santa's lap and, standing a safe distance away, I would watch the other kids and try to convince myself I could be brave enough. In hindsight, the less time I spent on strange men's laps the better but still, I get it.

To date I have a 100% success rate and I have convinced 7 princesses not to miss out on something that ends up being a really good time. All 7 have been deliriously happy with the results. So have I.

Using "deliriously happy" as a segway... As I was watching the Electrical Parade the Fairy Godmother passed on the back of Cinderella's float and I waved excitedly at my role model. She waved back, pointed right at me, and made a heart shape with her hands. I squealed so loud a little girl in front of me gave me the "calm down" face. Whatever. I am so earning my wings on the accelerated path.

Frequently Asked Questions

As a Fairy Godmother in Training I get asked a lot of questions about what I do and the various important people I am associated with in that role.  While in some situations we have answers somewhat prepared for us (after all, there are FGITs who have been there since the beginning and they have been asked everything under the sun) most often we have to think on our feet how best to explain things to our princesses in a way that preserves the magic without talking to them like they are dumb. Princesses aren't dumb and you would be shocked how astute the average six year old is.  (For example, a six year old could have thought of a way to phrase that sentence so that it would be grammatically correct.)  It occurred to me that some of my readers may also be wondering about the intricacies of Fairy Godmother life and so I have listed below some of my most frequently asked questions and a general version of how I answer them. These are in no particular order other than "oh yeah, that reminds me of this one..."

1. "So you're a real Fairy Godmother?"
      No, not exactly.  I'm a Fairy Godmother in Training which is different.  Fairy Godmothers have to go through a 1000 year training program before they earn their wings, so to speak, and are allowed to operate entirely on their own with a Princess for all of her Princess problems. I've only been in training for 237 years, as of this past October, so I've got a ways to go before I'm ready for my final exam.  I have to turn an entire field of pumpkins in to luxuriously appointed coaches (with snacks!), staff them all with mice I've turned in to footmen and drivers, dress my Princess impeccably for a ball, send her off in the carriage of her choice and make sure she's back and everything is restored to normal by midnight.  I've never been particularly good at timed tests and I keep turning my pumpkin coaches in to pumpkin pies. I probably shouldn't practice when I'm hungry.  But in the mean time I'm training to make Princesses beautiful here on the days when I'm not in classes with Cinderella's Fairy Godmother.

2. "Why did you become a Fairy Godmother?"
     I was 220 years old and not doing much with my magic.  I mostly used it to bake cupcakes. Tons and tons of beautiful, delicious cupcakes.  While this was fun I just felt like I should be doing more with my life and one day, when I was visiting Disney World, I heard about these Fairy Godmothers who were using their powers to make princesses feel beautiful and happy and I thought "Hey, I think I could do that!"  So I marched up to the castle and banged on the door.  When the doorman opened it he looked at me with some confusion and said "Can I help you?"  I told him I was here to see the Fairy Godmother and he went to get her.  I waited and waited and was getting very nervous but the mice kept assuring me I would be fine.  Finally the Fairy Godmother appeared.  I started to tell her why I was there but she silenced me with a smile and looked me up and down for a long time, not saying anything, until I was convinced she was going to send me back to my cupcakes.  Then, suddenly, she said "Allright, deary, I'll teach you but you'll have to train for 1000 years. Can you do that?"  I said I could and I've been here ever since.

3. "Where do you live?"
      We all get to live in the castle with Cinderella so that we can ask the Fairy Godmother for help whenever we need it.  In exchange for getting to live in the castle we have to clean Cinderella's room.  Now this doesn't seem so bad until you realize what a shoe problem Cindy has.  She is absolutely incapable of keeping track of her shoes and they are absolutely everywhere.  Organizing them is an exercise in futility but we try.

4.  "Where do all the Princesses live?"
      Cinderella lives in the big castle in the Magic Kingdom, of course.  Princess Aurora has her main castle in California at Disneyland but she likes to come and visit Cinderella here which is why you see her around a lot.  Princess Tiana lives in Liberty Square and spends most of her time in the garden behind the Christmas shop because she loves the flowers.  Belle's castle is getting remodeled right now -- she's having a second library built for all of her books -- so she's staying with some friends in Epcot France.  Ariel is also having some work done on her castle -- a larger pool -- so she's staying with Cinderella.  Jasmine likes to stay in Epcot Morocco because it reminds her of home.  Mulan is the same way with Epcot China.  Rapunzel is a tricky one to find because she's always running off.  See, every time she sees the fireworks, she thinks it's the lights and wants to go see where they come from and takes off.  We always get her back, though, and she usually spends the day near the Castle.  Snow White used to live in that little cottage in the forest with the Seven Dwarfs but, really, a one room cottage just isn't large enough for 8 people -- 9 now that she and Prince Ferdinand have gotten married -- so it's being remodeled to suit their space needs a little better.  Fortunately for all the Princesses, the renovations on all their homes should be done sometime toward the end of this year.  (*Look up the new Fantasyland expansion if none of this makes sense to you. Then feel guilty about what a bad Disney fan you are.)

5. "Do you do all the Princesses' hair?"
     Yes, every morning very early all the Princesses come in to get ready for their day at the parks.  Each Princess has her usual chair which are labeled on our cards.  (*This is true. Our chair number cards each have a Princess on the back so the same Princess is always assigned to the same seat.  They really do have chairs, in a way.  These cards serve as good proof for the doubting Princess.)  Rapunzel actually has two chairs, one for her and one for the rest of her hair.  It takes at least three FGITs to brush and braid her hair every day but she's always so patient and usually paints us a picture while she waits.  This is always a fun time for the Princesses who can catch up with one another and gossip about the Princes and complain about their various evil parents or other nemeses.  It's good to let it all out before starting a day being cheerful.

6. "Who is your favorite Princess?"
     Who is yours?

7. "Who is your favorite Prince?"
     Aladdin. Aladdin all day.  Also, Prince Eric, because we both love boats. And The Beast, because he is awesome. Not the Prince The Beast turns back in to, the actual Beast.  That Prince is a girly man. The Beast is essentially a giant teddy bear.

8.  "Are you marrying a Prince?"
     This question comes up with some of the older Princesses who notice my ring and understand what it means.  If someone where to ask me this question in my non-character life (as if this exists... please...) I would, without hesitation, answer yes.  My fiance is the definition of a Prince if you take out all the royal bloodline stuff and replace it with charming qualities.  But, as a Fairy Godmother, I can't marry a Prince. They marry Princesses. This is the law of the fantasy jungle.  So, instead, I explain it like this:  I am marrying a brilliant wizard who lives in a far away kingdom way up in the north.  He spends all day inventing new things and creating spells to make people's lives easier so they can be happy. He's my very best friend.  When the parents look at me skeptically rather than just enjoying my brilliant storytelling I mention quietly, "Engineer" and they all nod knowingly.

9.  "Is Mickey a good boss? / Is the Fairy Godmother a good teacher?"
    The short answer to either of these questions is "Yes."  Mickey Mouse is an excellent boss.  His big ears make him a great listener.  He's always smiling and telling us to have a magical day.  He knows how to put on a great show and he's an all around nice guy.  I couldn't imagine working for a better boss.
    The Fairy Godmother is an excellent teacher, if a bit absent minded.  She's very patient and doesn't even get upset when we entirely ruin a whole field of pumpkins.  I think I'm learning a lot from her and I certainly love what I do and I owe that entirely to her.

10.  "Voce fala Portugues?"
       Que?


The Princesses are not the only ones who have some questions.  Below are a few questions I ask frequently (and what I assume the answers must be.)

What is this wet stuff on my car in the morning and why can't I scrape it off?  How does one remove moisture if it isn't in a solid state?
-- Ice that is confused about what time of year it is. With a Shamwow.
If your child is screaming and crying and begging you to not make her do the Princess transformation why do you make her do it?
-- Because I haven't got the number for child services memorized yet.
What would make you assume this makeover is a free service?
-- Because that is how it works in Brazil and New Jersey? (I have only encountered this with Brazillian people and New Jersey natives.  If I encounter it with other people I will have to assume this free makeover thing is more widespread than I imagined.
Did everyone in your tour group call each other and make sure you were all going to wear super tight pants and massive sneakers today?
-- I will never know because I don't speak Portuguese.
Why do you randomly have left lanes turn suddenly in to turn only lanes with no signage? Are you trying to encourage drivers to spastically whip from lane to lane and make dramatic U Turns without signalling? Are you actively working to keep the reputation that Florida drivers are the absolute worst on the planet?
-- Clearly, yes.

The Great and Terrible

I have the very rare privilege of having a job where my primary responsibility is to make people happy AND I have the tools necessary to accomplish this.  It makes my job less of a job and more of one in a series of fun activities I'm doing in a day.  I am also very fortunate that I am, and I am not exaggerating this, an exceedingly happy person.  I very rarely break character even when not working.  I pretty much have been in character since my first day with the rare exception of extreme moments of frustration (mostly GPS related.)  In fact, me in character is essentially me in real life with a higher pitched voice and the tendency to ask several questions and repeat your answers back to you with a question mark at the end.

It should also be noted that I simply am not interested in being sad.  This is not to say that I don't get sad because I do. (I'm not a robot or Batman. It happens.)  What I mean is that I have simply decided I've been sad enough in my life and I'd prefer to be sad as little as possible in the future.  In any situation if I have the option to be sad or any other of the wide range of human emotions, 9 times out of 10, I will choose the other emotion (cheerful or sardonic being my first choices.)  My relationship with my tears mirrors that of the United States' relationship with oil.  In my youth I let them gush at the slightest provocation with no concern for how wastefully I let them spill all over.  There would always be more and the drama of them bursting forth seemed entirely justified.  Now, if I deign to let a few drops out I must be entirely at the end of my patience or the situation is something truly heart wrenching (like that montage scene from Up. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't even pretend you don't.)

I'm not detailing this so that you will picture me like Bruce Willis in Die Hard.  I just want it to be clear that my reaction to the following story is not a typical one for me and that it was one of the few times when I hoped upon hope that my Pixie Dust could be more than sparkly.

It's like starring in to a mirror, I swear.

When I met my Princess at the door she was wearing a pink baseball cap. I talked with her and her family throughout the check in process and it was not until she climbed in to my chair that I realized she had only the shortest of blonde bristles for hair.  I had been distracted entirely by her abundance of freckles and enormous blue eyes to realize that there was no pony tail popping out of the back of her cap.  I paused for a beat but immediately began making conversation so as not to appear rude.  I started by painting my Princess's nails and asking her my standard questions.  

What do I do? How do I even ask what to do? Has someone else noticed this? Please, someone, tell me how we handle this!

Another FGIT who has been there much longer than I have approached and, noticing my Princess had selected a Belle dress, asked if she would also like the Belle wig.  Another beat but instead of looking at the wig I watched my Princess looking at the wig.  

She doesn't even understand why she would want that. She likes exactly how she looks right now.  At four she has more beauty confidence than women at 40.

I interrupted the pause, "I think you are so beautiful just the way you are right now, Princess. What do you think?" She nodded and smiled and her freckles bunched together as her cheeks rose to meet the bottoms of her eyes.  As I worked on her makeup I asked questions to her and the family about their trip.  It was their first trip.  Mom and the Grandparents planned it and Dad got leave from Afghanistan to be there.  It was the trip of a lifetime.  For my Princess, it would be the only visit.  

I Pixie Dusted her short hair, all the while assuring her that short haired girls had more fun.  That was why I cut mine off. 

"I used to have long, long hair like Rapunzel's but then I realized that the shorter your hair is the more fun you get to have.  So I just kept cutting it and you see how short it is now.  I have more fun than ever!"

Before the big reveal I usually make my girls promise not to peek or something along those lines but with this Princess I knelt down and asked her to promise me something more important.  

"Princess, before I turn you around and show you how beautiful you are I want you to promise me something, ok?" She nodded, blue eyes wide with excitement.  "Promise me that every time you see yourself in a mirror for the rest of your life you will always see how beautiful you are.  Promise?" I held out my pinky for the universal seal of a deal.  She locked her pinky in mine and said she promised.  

I turned her around and she squealed and clapped with delight.  Cameras flashed, her parents, teary eyed, thanked me and took their princess on her way.  I watched them walk all the way out of the store before another FGIT moved me off stage.  My eyes were burning and as soon as the door clicked shut I did not even attempt to stop the flow of tears.

I could feel the inside of my chest aching, my limbs tingling.  I was every emotion at once.  Happy because I had made my Princess happy, angry because it wasn't fair what was happening to her and her family, frustrated because no amount of glitter and nail polish would ever fix it, and sad because my heart was breaking for this beautiful little girl who, at four years old, was stronger and more beautiful than I could ever be.  

I completely broke character. 

The Holy Land Experience

I went to the Holy Land Experience, a Bible based theme park, with my grandma and great aunt. While I appreciated the message I was put off by how cheerful everyone was. I had a fantastic time but as a Catholic, if I don't feel the weight of intense personal guilt for Jesus dying I just don't feel religious.

I took several pictures. Draw your own conclusions.

Travelers

Today was apparently "princesses who don't speak English" day at the boutique and so, with only one English speaking princess all day, I have just one story to share but I assure you it was one of the funniest things I've heard thus far.

Princess Lily came all the way from the United Kingdom for her first visit to Disney World. I adored her slightly cockney accent and her full body laugh. She was just explaining to me how she wants to "teach seals tricks" when she grows up when another Fairy Godmother sprinkled her dad with Pixie Dust. Princess Lily giggled all over and then said the most perfect phrase ever to leave the mouth of a five year old:

"You look right like a traveler with all that glitter!" (phonetically: you look roight like a travlah wit all at glitah!)

I had to stop working completely to deal with MY full body giggles.